Bangalore so fa…

Bangalore so far has been a mixed bag.Not quite sure what to make out of the system here.Very much lost,but trying to put up a facade that I know what I am and where I’m at.I surprise myself sometimes by the things I say and do .I want to sit up straight and say,”Who the hell was that?”

My favourite Top Ten workout songs

1.AC DC – Highway to Hell

2.AC DC -You shook me all night long

3.AC DC-She’s got balls

4.Joan Jett- Bad Reputation

5.Joan Jett -Touch

6.Joan Jett- I love RocknRoll

7.Beat It -Michael Jackson

8.AC DC -It’s a long way to the top

9.Dropkick Murphys- Shipping off to Boston

10.Led Zeppelin-Ramble On

And behold a white horse

An average day in the life of yours truly,looks something likes this.

1.Wake up at 12  ish,listening to When the Man comes around

2.Go online,check mail,refresh inbox

3.Stress out about whether or not I will clear the IIM calls.

4.Stress out whether I will fit in at all in a studious atmosphere;thanks to relatively poor acads.Std 12 best year ever.

5.Feel happy briefly for having a plethora of alternate good options.

6.Stress out a little bit more.

7.Listen to When the Man comes around and Folsom prison blues

8.Make a sandwich

9.Try to read something

11.Troll pagalguy forums

12.Watch TV shows from end to end.

13.Dire straits,Led Zeppelin

14.Shower

15.Fall asleep sometime around 5 am.Worry about having to choose an educational destination within 30 minute flight to Cochin

Repeat

We have missed you

Hello Darling,where have you been? It’s as though you have fallen off the edge of the world leaving a you shaped void in the scheme of things. We have missed you.We have missed telling you all about our insane love/sex lives, our shopping sprees and our new shiny best friend who has all the time in the world to listen to our moral dilemma on whether to pick lilac or fuchsia for our nails and the shade of pantyhose and stilettos.

We heard that you went back home .We did want to check up on you oh so badly, but as I’m sure you will understand, because you always do, we had better things to do with our time. We all did say that you were a show off and wished you death behind your back but you never knew that, you blonde ignorant insipid you.

Nothing burns quite as well as polished firewood bridges. We know you will agree.We don’t think we will be hearing soon from you anytime soon.Please,do stay dead. You are so much more fun and interesting that way.

Mwah

Hugs

XoXo

Days of our Lives – Hyderabad 9 Jan Onwards

Day 1 at Hyderabad

Awesome.Awesome.Great dinner at Urban Asia, Sherlock Holmes 2,and my black skirt.One hot mess of an evening.

Day 2 at Hyderabad

Scared petrified and more thinking of results day which is tomorrow.Funny how days that seemed so far away tend to zoom in a rather quick fashion.Tried to control the paranoia by incessant shopping,and a hairdo,courtesy Him.Feeling slightly better,aided and abetted by the Apple ginger concoction I’m shoving down my throat.

Hello Human Being Who Has Life Figured Out

Hello Person Who Has Their Life Figured Out,

Is the entire point behind your existence to make me feel bad ? Like want to kill myself variety of bad?Why do you have to be so perfect in every way concieveble right from your spritzed hair to the perfect home done french manicure that you brag about?I tried the same paint in the bottle and my nails look like something has curled up inside them and died,and remotely resemble a pinkish splotch with white stains.I did not even want the whole thing in the first place other than to look and act 21.

I think thats the general idea.You get flowers for your house and do the manicure because you like it.I do the same because I’d like to feel mature and grown up.When people ask you how you’re doing,you tell them about the fabulous 4 course meal you whipped up for your family just because you felt like it,and the new recipe book you’ve been following with maaarrrvelous results.You stand there in your perfect kitchen in your perfect house holdng up the said book,like its supposed to answer my question for you.

But you know why I can’t make fun of you, Person Who Has Their Life Figured Out? Because you’re genuinely happy. These are your choices, these are your own desires, and they just so happen to be very vanilla. You’re not struggling. You aren’t a struggler. Must feel nice.The right choices are effortless for you.You don’t know any different.

One day may be I’ll have my ducks in a row too.But that day isn’t today. I guess the one good thing about being someone who doesn’t have it all figured out is that you’re able to see real growth. The changes are palpable. . I don’t have it figured out but I know more than I did yesterday.

I’m still jealous in a very normal way though.

Love,

Border Line 21 Year Old Screw Up

(Sound like an exotic whiskey cocktail no??)

On being a successful liar and imposter

My true self,my character and my name were in the hands of  everyone else.I had learnt to see myself through their eyes.I  was  this monster they were forming out of their regrets.When they were not there,they left their attention behind them.I used to run and leap through this attention which preserved my status as a model grand daughter.In my pretty glass bowl,in my soul,my thoughts kept whirling,each on its own course,not a single dark corner.

Yet without words without shape or substance,diluted this innocent transparency,one certainty spoilt everything-I was an imposter and always have been.Those bright sunlit appearances which composed my personality gave themselves away,through a defect of being which  I could neither quite understand nor stop feeling.